


fool's gold

by librain



Series: flourish and blotts [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Pansy Parkinson, Marriage Law Challenge, One Shot, Tropes, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/librain/pseuds/librain
Summary: Just gals being pals and scamming the government
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson
Series: flourish and blotts [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064639
Comments: 4
Kudos: 65





	fool's gold

“Granger, I need a favour.” 

Pansy Parkinson had certainly grown up since Hogwarts. While Hermione never agreed with the pug-face insults the boys used (she thought it was rather misogynistic of them to critique her looks when her personality was much more unpalatable), she was taken aback by how striking the woman had become. 

Her hair was shorter, hanging in soft waves just below her ears. Her bangs fell straight across her forehead, drawing attention to her blue eyes. Hermione didn’t think she’d ever seen eyes so blue. 

“Pansy, please, sit.” Hermione watched as the witch sat in the chair in front of the desk, her ankles crossing and revealing her stocking-clad leg under her robes. “What is it I can do for you?”

“I need you to be my girlfriend.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I need a girlfriend and you are the perfect candidate.”

Hermione chuckled kindly, “I’m sorry, Pansy, I’m not a lesbian, I don’t know what you-”

“It wouldn’t be real, I need a fake girlfriend. For a while,” Pansy interrupted.

“Oh.” Now Hermione was even more confused. 

“You know the repopulation thing the Ministry is enforcing?” Hermione nodded. “I don’t want children. Not now, probably not ever, and definitely not because the government is forcing me.”

Hermione shouldn’t have been surprised. It was perfectly normal for a woman to not want children, however, she would have assumed that there was some sort of Pureblood rules about having an heir. 

Hermione nodded, “I understand, I’m just not quite sure how I’m involved in this.”

“You don’t want children either. That’s why you and Weasley divorced, is it not?”

Hermione bristled at her bluntness. “Where did you hear that?”

Pansy shrugged her off. “Doesn’t matter. The Ministry is ensuring that every heterosexual person, or at bears some attraction to the opposite sex, is responsible for procreating. You know as well as I do that means the one with the uterus is going to end up bearing the brunt of the work.”

Pansy’s burgundy lips smirked while she spoke, showing she knew just how to appeal to Hermione’s feminist side. And gods if it wasn’t working. She nodded, not wanting to interrupt Pansy’s clearly well-thought-out argument. 

“Homosexuals are exempt. While the Wizarding world does not discriminate based on orientation, same-sex couples are no use to the Ministry as they can’t reproduce.”

“But they can, there are a variety of scientific methods-”

“Ah, ah, Granger,” Pansy cut her off playfully. Hermione felt effectively chastised. “They can’t reproduce _magically_ , which is all the Ministry cares about.”

Hermione stared at the witch before her. Pansy used a manicured finger to brush her bangs from where they were falling into her eyes. Her nails matched her lipstick and were kept short, clean, unlike the traditional claw-like length of most witches. 

“Alright, Parkinson. I am intrigued by your plan. If I agreed, how would you propose we proceed?”

Pansy’s smirk deepened, clearly recognizing she was close to closing the deal. “Simple. When the Ministry sends out the official summons, we reply stating we are exempt due to our relationship. When asked, we tell people we had been keeping it a secret due to our tumultuous history and the conservative nature of your Muggle family,” Hermione’s eyebrows raised. “We have enough mutual friends that it isn’t inconceivable that we would have reconnected over the years. Your resistance to motherhood is a help, as being unable to conceive a child with a woman would make sense to the simpleminded like Weasley.

“Then, when the law is overturned or when the baby boom begins, whatever comes first, we split amicably and go our separate ways. Maybe you have an epiphany and realize you were _just waiting for the right man_ , or some other offensive explanation for bisexuality, and we live the rest of our lives childless and happy.”

Hermione contemplated the plan. It seemed Pansy was thorough, and, while Hermione was not opposed to finding someone to spend the rest of her life with, she was in no rush to stop working the number of hours she did to be able to develop a relationship. Waiting a few years while fake-dating Pansy wouldn’t really impact her daily life all too much. 

“Before I agree, I hope you don’t mind me asking, are you a lesbian?”

“Come on, Granger, do you really think Draco Malfoy could have dumped me if I wasn’t?” She gestured to, what Hermione could admit, was her very attractive body. 

Hermione laughed nervously, “Right, well, you have a deal.” 

She stuck her hand out to shake. 

Pansy stared at the proffered hand, then looked up at Hermione through dark lashes. “I think you can do better than that, Granger.”

She stood from her chair, placing her hands on the edge of the desk and leaning over so she was almost eye level with where Hermione sat, eyes wide. 

“Have you ever kissed a girl, Hermione?” Pansy whispered

Hermione gulped, then quickly shook her head. 

Pansy closed the distance between them, applying firm but restrained pressure on Hermione’s lips. Hermione began to kiss back, trying to stand to deepen it, but Pansy pulled away. 

“My lipstick suits you, Granger.” 

At that, Pansy made her way to the door of Hermione’s office. Hermione didn’t hear anything she said after that, something about owling for dinner later. She just stood behind her desk, cheeks hot, chest heaving, listening to the sound of Pansy’s heels click down the marble floors away from her. 

**Author's Note:**

> separating my one-shot collection work into separate works bc it confused my dumb brain  
> join me on tumblr! librained.tumblr.com


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